OK, so some individuals I know have a hard time being by themselves, they isolate due to social anxiety and spend their time trolling the internet,watching TV, doing drugs and contemplating suicide. In fact, I’ve lost over 10 friends due to suicide and overdose. Some of the ones had a family and some of them didn’t. I can only imaging how crushing it is to their family, close and extended.
Here’s a statistic for you, 25 vets commit suicide a day, that’s roughly one in every 25 minutes. Can you even imaging the heartbreak? I sure can feel their pain,and even though the thought has crossed my mind I couldn’t do that to my family, just to think of leaving the aftermath keeps me grounded. I deal with my problems in my own way. Be it psychosis, multiple programs, hospitalizations and even a hospital stay. You can smirk if you want to, but this is me surviving, and refusing to be with the statics. With that being said, I have true friends that will always be there. Friends who I confide in, and they give me hope.
For a while I also followed a number of mentors who have never been close to experiencing what I’ve been dealt with. I even tried a MLM,(by the way sorry for the sales pitches) on a positive note it shut down… what at joke. I assure that’s over. My main goal in life is to live a moderate life with a loving and caring wife. I’m just trying to be conformable and I refuse to be put a in carrot dangling job. I’m just trying to be a hundred thousand air, not anything more. And besides lets face it, very few motivational speakers have been in Iraq fighting/working. Very few worked 6 -12 hours nights for 15 months, and not being able to sleep because of so much movement during the day, that did me in. Whats even crazier was that I got orders immediately to Seoul Korea,it was nice, but it was freezing, wearing short sleeve shorts and t-shirts in formation at 5:00 AM with 20 degree weather ready to run 10 miles, no philosophy makes a man out of you, in my opinion, controlled suffering makes a real man out of you. I’m not saying I’m better that those motivational speakers, I’m just saying I’m a simple man and I just want a modest life with a loving, and a very understanding wife (with the hope kids one day).
When you spend time in war, it changes you, I didn’t get off that plane the same.
After 9 years my sanity is back. Here’s to you (whoever she may be to spend the rest of my life with)
Don’t aim to get rich, get happy.